Well I received a phone call from a lady at DFD yesterday and I have to be honest and say she was lovely, she was very apologetic about the response I got from the other lady that I spoke to on friday.  Bless her, it wasn’t her fault.

 Hopefully the bus pass can be sorted, I just need to copy and send the form that I will get and I will probably be able to make up the shortfall over the coming months.

There is also hope that I won’t encounter any problems by changing jobs to a lower paid one.  There will have to be a variation meeting and the term of the IVA would extend.  When we started the IVA this was something I definately didn’t want but I realise that if happiness and safety are to prevail then this is what will have to happen.  It’s not for life after all, and I guess we would cope with it.

At least now I now that should one of us die then the other won’t be responsible for the others debt.  The lady told me though that if we had council debts then the council may pursue the other for those.  Fotunately we didn’t have council debts so thats one less thing to worry about if the worst should happen.

I feel so much better now, thanks to this phone call but mostly to all the people on the forum who posted advice and basically sents hugs and love.  It’s so very good to know that someone is there for you, even if you know them or not.

I shopped online at Tesco this fortnight and amazingly saved more money than I thought I would, thanks again to advice from Aguise on the forum.  So perhaps it won’t be so tough to cover these shortfalls.  Even though this week, I had to buy youngest son some new school trousers and extra bus fare to get Daughter to docs as she’s got tonsilitis.  (then it was hot choc at the cafe, choc chip cookie… which she didn’t eat and then icecream to sooth her throat!!) But it was actually really nice to say ‘yes’ instead of ’sorry love, can’t really afford it’

So… Onto another Month, can’t believe how quick this year is going.  ohhhhhhhh it will soon be christmas… 

 xx

I’ve rang DFD (after reading a post on the forum) concerning my daughters buss pass for college next year.  I paid £100 this year and it’s set to rise to £185 this coming september. 

 I was told that my daughter should pay for this herself.  She should get a job.

How on earth can she?  college doesn’t finish till 5pm, thats when he gets home anwyay.  College is 30 miles away.  We don’t own a car and as you know I bike to work.  She could always get a part time job at the weekends but we have no bus service on a sunday and the last bus home on a saturday is 3.30pm.

I don’t want her biking in the dark and horrid weather, we’ve lost one child, I am not losing another.

 If I change my job to a lower paid one, we would still have to make our contributions.  My safety is not important to them.  I don’t expect it to be.  But I do expect some sort of compassion.

it’s getting harder to live as it is for most of us, increasing prices and because we are short at the moment this woman suggested a variation meeting, to save us £25 a month.. which will cost us ove £600 to be tagged ontothe end.  I don’t think it’ worth it. 

I feel biiter but can’t help it, my lot are suffering because of us, not intentionally but if we cant afford the bus pass for my daughter, she wont finish her A levels, any chance of university is out of the window and then in theory we have messed up her chance of a better future.

 I do feel like the crapest mother at the moment.  I know I will find the money because there is no other choice.   I will stay in this job because I have to.  I will not get deprssed about it (I hope)

 My beautiful granddaughter has just arrived and thats put  smile on my face. so i’m thankful for my lot, even though they drive me up the wall.  I would and will do anything for them.

It will be a sad day tomorrow.

 It’s 2 years since Chris died.   My hub and 2nd son (and myself) will be going to his grave tomorrow.  They have never been before.  Hub says he couldn’t face it.  i totally understand, I’ve only been twice and it was so painful.

 I’m going to take him some white roses.  He wasn’t into flowers, what 21 yr old is?  I think I’m going to take some cleaning stuff and give his headstone a good clean. It’s a beautiful stone. shiny black marble with gold lettering.  His picture is on one side and an engraved footballer on the other, That had to be done in Italy!

I wrote a dedication which is engraved on ther too , it reads.

if we had the gift of foresight, that day would not have come, you’d still be here with us, our darling treasured son.

I miss him so much. I’m still so very angry that he was taken from us when he had everything to live for. I wish I could turn back time.

Why is it when you’re feeling good, positive and content does it tend to fade away into a distand memory?  Well not so much fade as vanish in a flash!

I woke up this morning to a mini lake in my kitchen.  it didn’t take a second to realise that it was the freezer.  It’s just gone to the big white goods heaven. :-(  On thinking about it though, when I took some bread out last night I thought it felt a bit soft, but just put it down to someone not shutting the door properly. 

 I have looked at our monthly budget and it’s just not going to be possible to replace for at least 3 weeks. I don’t want to ask ip for a break or partail payment as we’ve just sent in all the stuff for our annual review.  I don’t want to ‘jinx’ it!  If we haven’t replaced it by the time our review has been finalised then I will have to I guess.

I don’t get paid till 2nd May and hubs wages have to pay the food and council tax, water rates… you know all those boring bills that everyone hates paying.

I’ve cleaned all up now and i have a fair bit of cooking to do! I figured what I can cook, will last 2-3 days and I will just have to shop extremely frugally (love that word) until the freezer can be replaced.

I used to think that once our IVA was up, I’d be buying new electrical goods as they would be ready for renewal.. at this rate I won’t have to!

Still the kitchen floor has had a good mop if nothing else.

Ah well best get back to it.!

Third year hasn’t seemed to be so bad, apart from Christmas, and ebay comes into a world of it’s own then. My Daughter started 6^th form college last September and she seems to need more and more things.  I give her the amount of child benefit that I get for her.  This coupled with her EMA, she’s richer than me!  She only asks for my help when she really really really needs something, and I will always do my best to help her.

Last summer as you all will know, much of Britain was flooded.  Our house too!  We have no insurance as I cancelled it because I couldn’t afford to pay it!  So rising damp is a problem, I’m so glad it’s not expensive wallpaper! Thankfully the carpets were ok (ish) and having the fire lit all through winter has helped so much.

Then a few eeks ago I fell off my bike in the snow… many people already know this.  The bike is still ridable, One peddle is damaged and my basket is totalled.  I had eggs in my basket that morning, only 4 broke!  It should last me a while yet.

In January this year (just to back track a little) I stumbled across the ive.co.uk website.  What an amazing place. I have read so many sad stories, quite a few funny ones.  The support I’ve had myself is phenomenal.  I read the posts and it brings home to me how lucky I am.  So many people are so much worse off than us and my heart breaks for them.  All of us on that site are there because of debt.  The sound advice given by the experts is so reassuring that I think it helps us get through another day.  I’ve learnt so much and have been able to give other people advice too.  I only wish I’d found it a lot sooner.

Well my letter from DFD for my annual review has come through the post this morning.  I had most bits ready, and I’ve worked out we are £25 short for our monthly contributions.  I knew this already but we’ve just been spending less on shopping.  So we shall see what comes of that.

That’s it up to now, 2 years to go and we will be debt free.   May 2010 is going to be one big party.  I’ll probably change my mind as I wont want to spend the money!  I just don’t buy things unless we really need them.  I hate going shopping now.   I buy 6 new t-shirts for me every 6 months for work.  I have enough trousers already.  My poor hub hasn’t had anything new for ages.  My youngest keeps having growth spurts, thank fully he isn’t bothered about clothes so is happy with what he gets.  He’s 13 next month, I wonder how much longer that will last.

I have promised my lot that the first month after the IVA is over, I’m going to spoil them rotten. They deserve it.

Keep watching for new posts, I will add more when there is more to add.

The second year of our IVA seemed to last forever.  The first year went quick but this one was dragging and dragging.

The cooker finally broke down and so did the washer.  We had one ring that was working on the cooker and we could use the Microwave.  It actually wasn’t so bad.  The washer… well I tried washing the clothes in the bath, but It just wasn’t getting them clean.  I used my neighbours a time or two but we needed to get a new one.  We used every spare allowance that month, clothing, contingency, and half the food money to get a new one.  I remember that month laughing with my husband as we were having spag bol once again..  We don’t have it very often these days.!!  That was our worse month up to that date and weirdly it seems to of been the happiest.

We managed a couple of months with our lovely cooker, but saved until we had enough without going without ourselves.  I felt so proud to have bought those two items in cash, knowing that they belonged wholly to us from the start, instead of paying on credit.

Christmas time is always the hardest; No one gets much of anything.  Our lot have now learned that they just can’t have it as we don’t have it.  I feel so guilty that they are going without all because of my stupid recklessness.  It would be nice to spoil them now and again, they have put up with so much because of me.

Then the TV died. Now I know a TV isn’t classed as an essential but when money is tight and you don’t have the funds to do anything else…. Well then I think it becomes an essential.  I’m laughing as I write this as I’m not that bothered about TV but my hub would go insane without it. I can still giggle when I think of his reaction.  Thankfully we had a small portable in the bedroom, which was ok for a while.  I’m happy to say hub now has his goggle box and is back to being fully in charge of the remote!

Shortly after our second year began we got another shock, my hub was made redundant.  He had only been in the job for 18 months so we had no redundancy to fall back on.  Then I was informed by my GP that my smear test was ‘abnormal’ I had what they call CIN 3 and was referred to the hospital.  I had what’s called a LLETZ procedure which I think stands for ‘large loop exorcism of the trauma zone’ The consultant told me that left untreated I would be looking at Cancer in a few years time.  Oh all good news for us that month then!  I am happy to say that now I’ve had 2 normal results and have to have yearly smears for the next 10 years. (sorry to all the men reading this J)

My hub is a resourceful man and managed to get work for a guy who is building a house in the village. He comes homes for morning coffee, lunch, afternoon coffee…lol it takes him 1 minute to walk to work!  His pay is less now than it was but somehow we are managing.  I’m not entirely sure how.  But we are.

Onto year 3…

I was terrified!  It took 6 long months to get it all sorted, I was waiting for copies of loan agreements for me then had to do the same for hub, the banks just dithered about so it took so long.  I have never felt stress like it.  The phone calls started and it would be 4 or 5 a day, we were now missing payments and I was so scared that people would knock on the door and take our things away.  Everyday we would get letters from creditors; I think the postman must have developed a bad back from our post.  By the time the IVA was finalised we had 193 letters all from creditors demanding money.  I kept them all.

Once DFD had all our bits and bobs, The lady on the phone told me she wanted to tell me what our total debt was.. she asked me to sit down.  £107,000  I burst into tears, I was so ashamed.  We had nothing to show for it, except holiday photo’s and the odd bit of furniture.  I have never felt so low in all my life.

We made 2 payments into our IVA fund before our creditors meeting on 3^rd May 2005.  I was a complete bag of nerves.  I was so scared that it would be rejected.  I rang them and she told me both applications had been approved.  The relief was immense, it was instant.  I sat on the floor with the phone in my hand and cried my eyes out.

Reality set in and I worked out a budget we could stick to.  My eldest son who was 17 at the time announced that his girlfriend was pregnant, 3 months into our IVA.  I was more upset at the thought that I wouldn’t be able to help financially.  Even though our debts were sorted, I still couldn’t save money… I had to spend every thing we had.  I hadn’t got to grips with the fact that this was life changing and would have to be the way we lived or debt may just happen again.

My granddaughter was born April 6th 2006, We were all so happy and elated. 

11 days later on 17^th April 2006, we got a phone call at 2am to say that my step son , my husbands eldest from his first marriage was missing.  He somehow had fallen into the docks  in town and that he was being looked for.  A policeman arrived 20 minutes later to tell us the same thing.  We could hear the helicopters, and they were 6 miles away.  A couple of hours passed and my hub said ‘lets go back to bed, nothing we can do’  we laid in bed holding hands.  30 mins later the phone rang, it was his ex-mother-in-law.  They had found his body at the bottom of the dock.  I felt like the breath had been sucked out of me. My husband just broke down.  I went to tell the kids and my 2^nd eldest was just stood outside my bedroom door with a blank look on his face, tears streaming down his cheeks.  I couldn’t do anything for him.  I went into my daughters room and she was sat at the end of her bed.  She said to me she wasn’t going to cry as that wasn’t going to being him back. (she finally broke down at his funeral)

My eldest son at this point was living with his father 30 miles away.  (his girlfriend lived in that town) I rang him and could only say ‘Chris is dead’

The police came to tell us and my hub and 2^nd son went with him to Chris’s mothers.   The next thing I knew my eldest was getting out of his father car outside my house.  I had only rung him 17 minutes earlier.  My ex husband must have drove like a maniac.

My youngest was at a campout further down the village and knew nothing about it.  My eldest went to fetch him at 6am, he knew something was wrong, I just held him and told him Chris had died.  He crumpled.  Chris was his idol.

For some very strange reason, that was my turning point.  The point where something clicked and I started being sensible with money.

We had to have a payment break and our ip was great about it.  Chris’s funeral was amazing.  His football team (who he and my 2^nd son played for) lined the church wearing their kit, everyone couldn’t fit in the church, there were so many people.

Chris’s Death hit us hard, my hub started drinking, this in turn led him to be nasty, he wasn’t violent just the stuff that came out of his mouth was horrible!.  I got to the point where I wouldn’t go out with him.  I seriously considered leaving him.  I started to get depressed, No one actually asked me how I was feeling.. Chris wasn’t my son so I think people thought I didn’t feel the same as hub did.  I started saving money…. For the first time ever! I kept thinking, ‘if I’ve got money then I can get away if ever I have to’

Life sort of calmed down abit and normal service was resumed. My hub has stopped drinking and only now has a couple of shandy’s when he’s out.

I still can’t explain why I don’t feel the need to spend anymore like I was doing.  We still have no money to speak of but there is a bit in the pot, it usually gets spent on kids shoes and clothes! But that’s what it’s there for.

 I’ve sort of gone off tracks with the blog but felt I needed to write all that down, anyway… Year 2!

In that last year of having credit and being without any real money, I knew I had to do something.  I did … I got another loan!  I paid off my catalogues and 2 of my cards and kept some.  I bought new furniture for our bedroom, new stuff for the kids and that was it…. Gone!  But I had cards that were not used so I actually cut them up and burnt them.  That was the first sensible thing I ever did. 

A few months later, I rang the companies up and asked for new cards… I told them I’d dropped my purse in the fire… so new cards arrived… new spending started!

I look back now and think that person wasn’t me.  But sadly it was.

By this time my husband was as deep into debt as I was.  He knew he was in trouble, my head was still firmly buried in the sand.  We chugged along until November 2004 and it was my hub who said he’d seen an advert on teletext and went online to look it up.  He took the number and picked the phone up.

That was the point I knew things were desperate, my Husband is not one to talk on the phone or take charge, he hates it.  So I knew it was bad when he ‘just did it’  He was on the phone for about 20 minutes.  When he hung up he told me, I should do this too as it would be more likely to work if we were both in it.  The next phone call he made, he handed the phone to me and said.. you speak to them.

That was it, the start of our IVA process, it was 23^rd November 2004.

I changed jobs during that first year of spending, earning a higher wage and had more money than we had ever had.  What did I do? Spent that money and more on Credit.

The bank was throwing ‘small’ loans at me.  I’d log onto my bank and there would be a message saying’ you have been pre-approved for a £500 loan’  So daft as I am, I took it. This happened twice!  I had no sense of real money and just spent every penny we had.

My husband was always careful with money, but he too started on the slippery road and he took out his first loan and paid my debts off!  So once again, I had no debts and my wages were my own.

Then I would think ‘ well I’ll just get this on the card or out of the catalogue, I can afford to pay it back.’ And I could to start with.. only once again I didn’t stop spending.  The kids were still quite small so when Christmas came around, I just went mad.  It never entered my head that I was doing anything that I probably shouldn’t.   I would get excited at the thought of them being happy.

Another change of job brought more money and of course more credit.  My husband had amassed his own debt by this time, usually to please me.  I remember our first holiday abroad.  I’d never been and so wanted to go on holiday.  We spent nearly £8000 on that first holiday altogether.  Paying for it, spending money, new clothes,  with never being anywhere before, we had none of the stuff you need.. cases, etc,etc.  I’d spend up to the max on one card, then  start on another.  We even had another week away later that year!

By the time 2004, we had so much debt that we were paying out all our income on debts as well as utility bills.  We had to use the cards to eat.  It was like being back to square 1 and having nothing at all.  I would pay an amount on the card, then use that amount to pay the catalogues.  Tax credits and family allowance were helping to pay the loans. My hubs wages were paying his debts and the rent.  We were skint!

The road to debt is an easy one.  Most of us know this already.  Our lives changed so much because of debt and hopefully we will never be in that situation again.

 I remember the day I got my first loan.  It was only 6 years ago and was for £4,500, wow it doesn’t seem much compared to what we owe now.

 I have only been working 7 years, I was always the one to stay at home and look after the family.  As my youngest got older i decided that I could work nights and still be around for everyone.  Before that we survived on my husbands wages.  How we did it I have no idea. 

Growing up, we seemed to live in a nice house, always had proper meals and were clothed.  We didn’t have the latest fashions, and I thought that my parents just didn’t want us to have them.  I know now that they were skint and living on the breadline. I always dreamed of having nice things and always wanted the best of everything.  I admit I lived in a dreamworld most of the time.

When I left home at 17, I’d just finished college and moved in with my boyfriend and his parents.  A couple of months later we moved into a flat.  2 months later I was pregnant!  We married 4 months later and son no1 was born 4 months after that. 

Unfortunately things didn’t work out, he liked to gamble money away and rarely went to work.  We split and I met my now 2nd husband. 

When my youngest was born, there were 7 of us living in the same house. me and Hub and 5 kids. surviving on £220 a week and the family allowance.  It seems like an age ago.  We really did have nothing back then, maybe thats why when I started work, and credit was thrown at us, we grabbed at it.  During that first year I had 2 credit cards and one loan.  They were maxed out! 

 I started buying the kids the stuff they always wanted, not to mention clothes and shoes for me. Hub got stuff that had names on, which he never really wanted.  I just wanted to be like everyone else… well what  I thought was like everyone else.  Now I realise that other people were probably just like me.

 To start with paying the bills were managable, I was being responsible and not getting too heavy into it.  Little did I think that it would stay like that.  Stupidity never came into it….. I was reckless.